Stress/Stress/Stress
No amount of words can describe how stress I am right now! I just realised I got to rush off another assignment which I just saw few minutes ago… :’( I’m really stressed. Really really stressed. Whenever people asked me, how’s school? I’ll be like, yeah it’s okay! Fullstop. I have no idea how to describe this agony inside me! It’s just too painful to be in school, facing tutorials… pretending to speak up, & enduring the loneliness of being with friends I’m not familiar with! I can’t pretend I’m okay when I’m not… I really want to cry, but I forgot how to. I need something to trigger my emotions. I’m so hard, cold, heartless, I can’t feel myself anymore, anymore. I hate this oncoming depression! I want to avoid it! I just want to feel normal, and alright again! God, why is it so hard in University? I know nobody said it was easy, but no one ever said it would be this hard? I just want to come back to the start! I just feel inferior compared to everyone around, even unworthy to be in university. It feels so tough competing with people! It’s like the worst thing on earth! I really hate school… I’m trying my best to change that but NO! It’s a million times tougher than what I’ve expected! It’s really beyond my capability… God, would you grant me strength to move on? Would you?
I’m already facing so much problems in school, & now I have to be blamed for something I’m not causing fault for… This is how life goes? Especially the painfulness of being accused by someone close… your dad. Is that what it’s suppose to be? You have been setting a bad example, ignoring us and all… always claiming your business is so much important to feed us. Yes we know, but even busy people take time to spend time with their kids. If you had the heart, you wouldn’t spend all your time drinking with your friends. If you would take the effort to close shop earlier by an hour, or simply taking us out each week for dinning… maybe things would be different. There are so many things happening in the family, yet I feel so helpless about it. I too have my own problems, & I don’t even know who to seek for help.
If I’m on the edge, would you lend a helping hand to me?
