My Way Of Being Insouciant.

How great is the universe? Well, is everything indeed due to determinism? Right now, it’s not a coincidence of me sitting down here, typing about my confusion in life… it’s all pre-destined? It somehow reminded me of what pastor Khong always says in church, (though that sentence is preset…) Dear friends, it’s not by chance or what that you are sitting here, but by God’s plan! Hmm, well then can we link determinism to God? Did God predestined us to be here… or Determinism to predestine us to meet God? 

While typing this… I’m also feeling distraught and demoralised over the first assignment of my philosophy. I did not do well. This sentence alone is enough to break 3/4 of my heart. I feel that I’m lousy, useless, and really… Am I worthy enough to be in NUS competing with everyone? Sometimes, I feel like I’m just a leech… trying to take a degree, & get out, without knowing what I want in life? Well, is it true? I think again and again, I keep questioning my existence on earth, & why did I even go so far? It feels like I was just P6, young, innocent & ignorant about what life can offer to me… Right now, it’s still the same… I’m somewhat still ‘young’, not that innocent anymore, but still ignorant about life. Well, I just followed the mundane routine of getting into a JC, then a university. What’s next? I’m starting to be scared, & afraid what life has to offer? 

What life has to offer? A kick at your back, down the dark valley, where only you yourself can climb up. 

Sometimes, I wonder if things would be different if I were to choose Early Childhood in NP… or even fashion design in NAFA.

But well, you make your own choices… & you have to regret it. Hold the grudges yourself. I mean, well, I really still regret choosing JC just for pride issues, and pleasing my parents. 

Children, never ever try to please your parents… it’s your life! Take control! It’s your happiness after all! Even if you fall hard, feel the pain, get up & chase after your dreams! Life will always want to kick your ass, but stand strong and tall. Never let it come between you and your dreams. 

After saying all these, what is my dream?

(Source: carliwi, via shimbi)